BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ROAD TRANSPORT IN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES

Explore our IELTS Band 5.5 Essay Sample analyzing commuting patterns in European countries. Get insights on car usage versus public transportation such as bus, metro, train, and bicycle travel. The page includes significant data like travel time and preferences in countries like the UK, Germany, Denmark, France, Italy, and Spain. Ideal for IELTS candidates and transportation researchers.

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given diagram provide us with the information of the time and comparison of distance of commuting per person with car and commute in other various ways incloding bus, metro , train and bycicle in some uropean countries in miuetes per day. As it depected at bar charts, people prefer to take a trip with a car rather than other fasilities in all countries. The united kingdom and germany have been reported as fewest commuters on public transportation, inspite of highest time that they expend on transforming. The most drivers are in denmark, france, italy, united kigdom, germany and spain from 12000 to arount 8000 in respect and the avrage of them in Eu in a fewe more that least countries of 10000. Although, the dunmark is where that has a highest number on commuter in both car of 12000 and other modes of transportation of 3000، other places have a dramatic distance in public users lower than half of that. Italy has the second country where people choose public transportation after denmark and spent lowest time(20min, per day)in trips in comparison other areas.
Words: 184Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 09:52 PM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay attempts to describe and compare data from the bar charts, but lacks clear organization and logical progression. Sentences are often fragmented, and ideas are not clearly linked, making it difficult to follow the argument or understand the relationships between the data presented. There is some attempt to compare and contrast, but the lack of clear paragraphing and logical connectors hinders coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Employ linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however', 'in contrast', 'similarly') to show relationships between ideas and data.
  • Clarify the comparisons by explicitly stating which countries or data points are being compared.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different aspects of the data (e.g., travel by car, public transport, commuting time).
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting details are logically ordered.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but there are numerous errors in spelling, word choice, and word formation. These issues often obscure meaning and hinder clarity. For example, words like 'incloding' (including), 'bycicle' (bicycle), 'uropean' (European), 'miuetes' (minutes), and 'depected' (depicted) contain spelling errors. Additionally, incorrect word choices such as 'fasilities' for 'modes' or 'means' and 'transforming' for 'commuting' are present. Attempts to use more complex vocabulary are evident, but they are often inaccurate or inappropriate, as seen in phrases like 'dramatic distance in public users.'

Recommendations:

  • Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms and context-specific words to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
  • Practice using more precise and appropriate word choices to convey meaning accurately.
  • Focus on correct spelling and word forms, especially for common terms related to transportation and geography.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence formation, verb tense, and subject-verb agreement. Simple sentences are predominantly used, with some attempts at complex structures that are often incorrect. This affects clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Pay attention to article usage and plural forms, such as 'the highest number of commuters' instead of 'a highest number on commuter.'
  • Focus on improving subject-verb agreement, such as 'The given diagram provides' instead of 'The given diagram provide.'
  • Work on correcting verb tenses and forms, for example, 'is depicted' instead of 'is depected.'

Task Achievement4.0

The essay attempts to summarize the bar charts by mentioning the preference for car travel over public transport in several European countries. However, the response lacks clarity and coherence in addressing the main features and comparisons required by the task. The essay does not accurately describe the data or provide a clear summary of the main trends and differences between countries.

Recommendations:

  • Make relevant comparisons between countries, highlighting significant differences and similarities in commuting patterns.
  • Ensure the information is logically organized and flows smoothly from one point to the next, avoiding fragmented or disconnected statements.
  • Use precise language and correct terminology (e.g., 'facilities' should be 'modes of transport').
  • Clearly introduce the charts and their purpose, specifying what they measure (e.g., kilometers per year, minutes per day).
  • Summarize the main features accurately, such as the highest and lowest values for each chart, and provide specific data points for clarity.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
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