BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING KEY FEATURES AND COMPARISONS IN CAPITAL CITY MIGRATION SURVEY RESULTS

Check out our IELTS essay sample with a band score of 5.5. The write-up provides a detailed analysis of a bar chart depicting the distribution of US households based on five annual income levels across three different years. The essay offers clear comparisons and numerical insights into income variations over time.

Writing Task

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart illustrates the number of US households by their annual income which is divided into five levels, in 2007, 2011, and 2015. The basic structure of the distribution of the number of households by annual income was not changed. The number of households with an annual income of $100,000 or more was the largest, while the household with an income between $75,000 and $99,999 was the least. Comparing the data from 2011 with the data from 2007, it was clear to find that the number of households with an income of $100,000 or more a year declined by about 2 million, from about 30 million to 27.5 million. But it increased by about 10 million from 2007 to 2015. In 2011, both the number of the household having an annual income less than $25,000 and the number of that having an annual income between 25,000 and $49,999 were about 4 million larger than them in 2007, and they dropped about 1 million in 2015. The number of the household with an annual income between $50,000 and $74,999 were almost the same in 2007, 2011, and 2015, about 21million. The number of the household with an annual income between $75,000 and $99,999 was in the similar situation, which was about 15 million in 2007, 14 million in 2011 and 15 million in 2015.
Words: 224Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/16/2023, 11:32 AM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as the content does not align with the task prompt, which is about reasons for moving to a capital city. The essay discusses household income in the US, which is unrelated to the chart provided. This mismatch creates confusion and disrupts the logical flow of information. Additionally, the essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical connectors to guide the reader through the information effectively.

Recommendations:

  • Use clear topic sentences and logical connectors to improve the flow between paragraphs.
  • Organize information into clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the data.
  • Ensure the content aligns with the task prompt and accurately describes the data related to reasons for moving to a capital city.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but it lacks variety and precision in word choice. Some phrases are repetitive, and there is occasional misuse of words that affects clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'number of households' with 'household count' or 'household figures.'
  • Incorporate more precise vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons, such as 'declined,' 'rose,' 'remained stable,' etc.
  • Avoid awkward phrasing, such as 'the number of that having,' by using clearer structures like 'the number of households with.'
  • Ensure that vocabulary matches the task prompt by focusing on reasons for moving rather than income distribution.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive voice. However, there are areas where grammatical accuracy could be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures to include more complex and compound sentences for a wider grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, particularly in sentences like 'The number of households... were' which should be 'was.'
  • Use articles correctly, such as 'the household' which should be 'households' to maintain consistency and accuracy.
  • Avoid awkward phrasing like 'was in the similar situation' and instead use 'was in a similar situation.'

Task Achievement3.0

The essay does not address the task prompt accurately. Instead of summarizing the reasons why people moved to the capital city, it describes data about US household income distribution over different years. This indicates a misunderstanding of the task requirements. The essay fails to select and report the main features of the line chart provided in the task prompt, and no relevant comparisons are made based on the actual data.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the essay directly responds to the task prompt. Focus on the reasons for moving to the capital city as shown in the line chart.
  • Identify and summarize the main features of the line chart, such as the most common reasons and any trends over time.
  • Include relevant comparisons between the different reasons for moving as shown in the chart.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:3.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement3
Complete response3
Clear & comprehensive ideas3
Relevant & specific examples3
Appropriate word count4
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