BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING ICELAND'S POPULATION AGE TRENDS FROM 1990-2020

Explore this comprehensive IELTS essay sample, presenting an analytical view of Iceland's population, economy, and healthcare. A perfect example for Band 5.5 score seekers that delves into Iceland's balanced age distribution, controlled birth rate, robust health conditions, and the effects of a young population on its economy.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

Iceland is a very beautiful country to live and we can see the population is perfectly distribute among all the age range. We can see young people age between 25 to 54 is the high for all four decade of years. When we analyses all forty years of data we can see birth ratio is slightly reduce and young population has been increase over the period. As well as we can say the county and people health condition is high due to the old population has been sightly increased and death ratio has been reduced and it's a constant . It seems to be the Iceland economy should be increase due the young population growth, they can give huge positive support to the economy. The government of the IceLand has been taken actions to birth control and now it time to release the control and educate the people for positive actions. When the country economy in a positive and stable situation we can say IceLand quality of life has been increase. The people of IceLand will be proud about the country health condition and economy situation. It's good time both government and country people to take actions to increase population and give more positive impact to the current system. That will help to continue the existing system . I love to be a member of this beautiful country and the system.
Words: 231Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 01:08 PM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. While it attempts to discuss the population distribution of Iceland, it does not effectively summarize or compare the data from the graph. The essay jumps between topics without clear transitions, making it difficult to follow the main points.

Recommendations:

  • Conclude with a summary of the main trends observed in the data.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure a logical flow, such as 'in addition,' 'however,' or 'compared to.'
  • Focus on summarizing and comparing the data from the graph rather than adding unrelated personal opinions.
  • Start with a clear introduction that outlines the main features of the graph.
  • Use paragraphs to separate different points or comparisons, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with several inaccuracies and repetitions. There is an attempt to use some varied expressions, but many are incorrect or awkwardly used.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of words such as 'population,' 'increase,' and 'country.' Use synonyms or rephrase sentences.
  • Use more precise terms for describing trends, such as 'growth,' 'decline,' 'stagnation,' etc.
  • Incorporate more complex lexical structures and collocations, such as 'demographic distribution' instead of 'population is perfectly distribute.'
  • Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms and diverse expressions related to demographics and population trends.
  • Focus on word choice accuracy, e.g., 'distribute' should be 'distributed,' 'analyses' should be 'analyze.'

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with frequent errors that may impede understanding. Simple sentences are mostly used, with limited complex structures. There are issues with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence fragments.

Recommendations:

  • Use more complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range, e.g., combining simple sentences with conjunctions.
  • Avoid sentence fragments, e.g., 'It's a constant.' should be part of a complete sentence.
  • Ensure consistent use of articles, e.g., 'the high for all four decade of years' should be 'the highest for all four decades.'
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'the population is perfectly distribute' should be 'the population is perfectly distributed.'
  • Correct verb tense usage, e.g., 'birth ratio is slightly reduce' should be 'birth ratio has slightly reduced.'

Task Achievement3.0

The essay does not effectively summarize the graph's main features or provide relevant comparisons. It lacks specific data from the graph and includes irrelevant information and personal opinions.

Recommendations:

  • Make relevant comparisons between different age groups and time periods.
  • Ensure that all statements are directly supported by data from the graph.
  • Focus on summarizing the main trends and changes in age groups over the years, using specific data from the graph.
  • Avoid introducing personal opinions or irrelevant details not related to the graph.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:3.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement3
Complete response3
Clear & comprehensive ideas3
Relevant & specific examples3
Appropriate word count3
Grade Your Essay