BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ENERGY CAPACITY IN GIGAWATTS (2015 VS 2040 PREDICTIONS)

Explore our comprehensive Band 5.0 IELTS essay sample analyzing UK freight transport trends from 1974-2002. Our detailed review includes insights into the rise and fall of goods conveyed via road, water, rail, and pipeline. Ideal for IELTS test preparation!

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

The diagram compares the different quantities of goods that were transported in the United Kingdom using four means of transportation from 1974 to 2002. Overall, the figure for road ranked first throughout the period, while that for pipeline stood last. All modes experienced rises, except for railways which mainly showed fluctuations. Road transport initially stood at 70 million tonnes, rising rather steadily until 1992 when it reached about 80 million. After a sudden surge in 1999, it continued to rise steadily for another 3 years to reach a high of just below 100 million in 2002. The figures for water and rail transport remained stable at 40 million from 1974 to 1978, after which the former rose significantly to about 60 million before dropping slightly in 1999, followed by another increase to 65 million in 2002. In contrast, the latter fluctuated widely over the rest of the period, returning to its initial figure in 2002. Goods transported via pipeline rose gradually in quantity from 5 million in 1974 to just over 20 million in 1995, following which the figure levelled off.
Words: 181Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 06:21 AM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as it does not address the task prompt correctly. It discusses transportation data from the UK rather than energy capacity in 2015 and 2040. The essay also lacks logical structure and clear paragraphing related to the task.

Recommendations:

  • Organize information logically with clear paragraphs focused on comparing the two pie charts.
  • Use appropriate linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of information.
  • Ensure the essay addresses the correct task prompt regarding energy capacity in 2015 and 2040.
  • Summarize the main features and make relevant comparisons between the years 2015 and 2040, focusing on the changes in energy sources.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies in word choice and usage. It effectively uses terms like 'fluctuations,' 'steady,' and 'significantly,' which are appropriate for describing trends. However, there's a mismatch between the task prompt and the essay content, indicating a potential misunderstanding or misplacement of the essay, which affects the lexical relevance.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of words like 'million' by using synonyms or rephrasing to enhance lexical richness.
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary specific to energy capacity and predictions, such as 'forecast,' 'anticipated,' 'projected,' and 'renewable sources.'
  • Ensure the vocabulary is directly relevant to the task prompt. The current essay discusses transportation in the UK, not energy capacity.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures, using a variety of complex sentences and clauses effectively. The use of tenses is mostly accurate, and the sentence structures are generally clear and well-formed. However, there are some areas where grammatical accuracy can be improved, such as in the use of articles and prepositions, and ensuring subject-verb agreement.

Recommendations:

  • Vary the sentence structures more to include more passive constructions where appropriate.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'All modes experienced rises' could be clarified to ensure proper agreement.
  • Improve the use of articles, e.g., 'the road transport' instead of 'road transport' when referring to a specific instance.

Task Achievement3.0

The essay does not address the task prompt, as it describes a different set of data related to transportation in the UK rather than the energy capacity pie charts for 2015 and 2040. The task requires summarizing and comparing the energy capacity data, but the essay focuses on transportation data from 1974 to 2002.

Recommendations:

  • Rewrite the essay to focus on the energy capacity data in the pie charts for 2015 and 2040.
  • Summarize the main features of the pie charts, such as the dominance of fossil fuels in 2015 and the predicted changes by 2040.
  • Make relevant comparisons between the two years, highlighting significant changes in energy sources like the increase in solar and wind energy.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:3.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement3
Complete response3
Clear & comprehensive ideas3
Relevant & specific examples3
Appropriate word count3
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