BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING REASONS FOR RELOCATING TO CAPITAL CITY - SURVEY RESULT INTERPRETATION

Discover insights from an IELTS band 5.0 essay sample analyzing career paths and salaries of Anthropology graduates. Understand pie chart and table interpretation, and enhance your IELTS writing skills. Ideal for prospective Anthropology students and IELTS test takers.

Writing Task

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

*The pie chart illustrates the different career paths of Anthropology graduates from a university after their bachelor’s degree, while the table compares their average annual salaries in different sectors, five years later.* *Overall, more than half of those who majored in Anthropology decided on full-time employment, while the rest selected other options. After five years, the Remuneration of anthropologists in the freelance consultant and government sector was similar in an ascending direction, with a slight difference in the highest bracket. Furthermore, the private companies had equal income shares for all divisions except for the lowest one.* *Looking at the pie chart, it can be seen that the graduates were split into two principal groups: those who devoted themselves to a full-time goal, and those in part-time employment or combined with postgraduate study, taking up 5% and 15% respectively. Additionally, a small proportion continued their studies at a higher level, on a full-time basis, 3% more than the lowest section. However, another category not included in either of the main groups was unemployed, making up 12%, slightly lower than the social scientists who opted for part-time employment.* *Moving on to the table, it is obvious that the highest proportion of these graduates working in Corporate employers, constituting over one third, earn between 50,000 to 74,999, while the top two compensation tiers are higher for independent contractors and public agencies than for the corporate sector. In contrast, a larger percentage of Anthropology graduates in the private companies, respectively more than 5% and 20%, earn in the lowest two pay levels, compared to those in other Industries. Moreover, the independent contractors have more anthropologists earning 75,000 to 99,999 than the public agencies.*
Words: 279Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/14/2023, 11:43 AM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as it addresses a different task prompt. The content does not relate to the line chart provided, leading to confusion. Transitions between ideas are not clear, and the structure does not logically flow from one point to another regarding the task prompt. The information is not organized in a way that clearly addresses the reasons for moving to the capital city as shown in the line chart.

Recommendations:

  • Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph, ensuring they align with the task prompt.
  • Employ linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Ensure the essay content matches the task prompt and focuses on the reasons for moving to the capital city as shown in the line chart.
  • Organize the essay to follow a logical structure that addresses the main features of the line chart, making comparisons where relevant.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items. Terms like "Remuneration," "ascending direction," and "compensation tiers" show an effort to use precise language. However, there are occasional inaccuracies, such as the misuse of "Remuneration" with a capital letter and phrases like "constituting over one third." The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some awkward expressions and collocations that could be refined for clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance lexical richness.
  • Ensure consistent use of capitalization, such as in 'Remuneration.'
  • Refine awkward expressions, like 'constituting over one third,' to improve clarity.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are some inconsistencies and minor errors that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures further by using more complex sentences with subordinate clauses to enhance the grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in all sentences, e.g., 'The remuneration of anthropologists... was similar' should be 'were similar' to match the plural subject.
  • Use consistent tense throughout the essay to maintain clarity and coherence. For instance, 'it is obvious' could be 'it was obvious' to match the past context.

Task Achievement3.0

The essay does not address the given task prompt, which asks for an analysis of a line chart showing reasons for moving to a capital city. Instead, it discusses a pie chart and a table related to Anthropology graduates' career paths and salaries. This results in a complete mismatch with the task requirements, leading to a failure in achieving the task's objectives.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the essay directly addresses the task prompt by describing the line chart provided, focusing on reasons for moving to the capital city.
  • Identify and summarize the main trends and features of the line chart, such as the most common reasons for moving and any noticeable changes over time.
  • Make relevant comparisons between different reasons for moving, highlighting any significant patterns or differences.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:3.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4

Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4

Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4

Task Achievement3
Complete response3
Clear & comprehensive ideas3
Relevant & specific examples3
Appropriate word count3