BAND 4.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING NEWS ACCESS METHODS IN CANADA AND AUSTRALIA

Discover IELTS Essay Sample for Band 4.5 score exploring the preference of Australians for online news and Canadians for TV news. Uncover strategies for successful news publication in Australia and Canada, including creating news websites, weblogs, and TV shows.

Writing Task

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.0 Scoring and Feedback

The 52% of Australian people watch online news in their phone. Canadian people often watch TV. they don't use radio that much . Print the news are not goob enough for both. If someone wants to publish the news can use tv on canada and online news in australia is the best way. I think people on Australia prefer the online news so we can creat a website or a weblog of news also the tv shows can be useful . We can hire someone for the tv show and another people we need and make a news show. Even We can use these in canada. we should don't think about the radio instead we can pay for the tv show. Its going to be perfect if we hire someone who can talk well and doesn't be shy and who old people like him or her. so the tv show in canada and a site or weblog in Australia.
Words: 159Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 09:54 PM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay lacks clear structure and logical progression, making it difficult to follow the argument. There is a lack of cohesive devices and logical connectors, which disrupts the flow of information. Ideas are not clearly organized, and the essay shifts abruptly between topics.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each sentence contributes to the overall argument or description, avoiding unnecessary or unrelated suggestions.
  • Include an introductory sentence that outlines the purpose of the essay, and a conclusion that summarizes the main findings.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas or comparisons. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the data.
  • Employ cohesive devices such as 'however,' 'in contrast,' and 'similarly' to connect sentences and ideas logically.

Lexical Resource4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with several inaccuracies and informal expressions. Words like 'goob' instead of 'good' and 'creat' instead of 'create' indicate spelling errors. Phrases such as 'print the news are not goob enough' and 'we should don't think about the radio' show incorrect usage and awkward phrasing. There is an over-reliance on basic vocabulary, and more precise language is needed to describe the data effectively.

Recommendations:

  • Focus on correct word forms and spelling to avoid errors like 'goob' and 'creat'.
  • Use more precise language to describe data, such as 'the majority of Australians prefer online news' instead of 'people on Australia prefer the online news.'
  • Expand vocabulary range by learning synonyms and more formal expressions.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates limited grammatical range and accuracy, with frequent errors in sentence structure, punctuation, and verb usage. Simple sentence structures dominate, and there is a lack of complex sentences.

Recommendations:

  • Use modals and conditionals appropriately, e.g., 'we should don't think' should be 'we shouldn't think.'
  • Improve punctuation usage, especially with periods and commas, to enhance readability.
  • Avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence has a clear subject and predicate.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'The 52% of Australian people watch' should be '52% of Australian people watch.'

Task Achievement4.0

The essay attempts to summarize the information from the pie charts but lacks clarity and precision in presenting the main features and comparisons. It includes personal opinions and suggestions, which are not relevant to the task.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all modes of news access are mentioned and compared as per the data.
  • Include specific data points and comparisons to highlight differences and similarities between Canada and Australia.
  • Use clear and concise language to accurately describe the information presented in the charts.
  • Focus on summarizing the main features of the charts without adding personal opinions or suggestions.
GRADED
4.0
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:4.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:4.0
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource4
Varied vocabulary4
Accurate spelling & word formation4
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
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