BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF NEWS ACCESS METHODS IN CANADA AND AUSTRALIA

Discover IELTS Essay Sample for band 5.0 analyzing favorite take-away foods in Canadian restaurants over 55 years (1960-2015). Highlights include popularity trends of Chinese and Indian cuisines and the surge in Indian restaurants. Explore this comprehensive IELTS essay example.

Writing Task

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 3.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie chart illustrates the proportion of favorite take away foods in Canadian restaurants, and the total number of Indian restaurants over a period of 55 years from 1960 to 2015. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that Chinese and Indian foods had the most popularity among the Canadian population. Moreover, there was an upward trend in the restaurants from India region. Regarding the pie chart, the Chinese and Indian foods were the most favorable with 34% and 26%, respectively. Hence, the Italian and Persian showed relatively the same percentile, around 9%to 11%. It is also noticeable that Thai foods were only chosen by 3% compared with the other ones. In terms of the figure of Indian restaurants, there were approximately 500 restaurants, which increased substantially until 2000, it reached the point of 8000. This was 4 times greater than its beginning sum. In the next fifteen years, the number of restaurants hovered between 8000-9000.
Words: 158Paragraphs: 7
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 09:11 AM

Coherence And Cohesion3.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as it addresses an incorrect topic, leading to confusion. The ideas are not logically organized, and there is a lack of clear progression or connection between the sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in the information presented, which further disrupt the flow of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Organize information logically, starting with an introduction, followed by a clear comparison and summary.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
  • Ensure the essay addresses the correct task prompt to maintain relevance and coherence.
  • Focus on the main features of the charts and avoid introducing unrelated data.

Lexical Resource3.0

The essay contains a range of vocabulary, but there are several inaccuracies and mismatches with the task prompt. The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and not entirely relevant to the task, which affects the clarity and precision of the message.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise terms to describe trends and comparisons, such as 'dominant,' 'preference,' or 'trend,' in the context of media access.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary to include more varied expressions related to media and news consumption.
  • Avoid repetition of similar words and phrases to enhance lexical resource and avoid redundancy.
  • Ensure the vocabulary used is relevant to the task prompt. Focus on words related to 'accessing news' rather than 'take away foods' and 'restaurants.'

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are several grammatical errors and inconsistencies that affect the clarity and precision of the writing.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence variety by using more complex sentence structures. For instance, combine simple sentences into compound or complex ones to enhance flow.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained. For example, 'the Italian and Persian showed' should be 'the Italian and Persian foods showed.'
  • Use consistent tense throughout the essay. The sentence 'it reached the point of 8000' could be revised for consistency as 'it had reached the point of 8000 by 2000.'
  • Address the mismatch between the task prompt and the essay content. Ensure that the grammatical structures used are relevant to the task and data presented.

Task Achievement2.0

The essay does not address the given task prompt. Instead of comparing ways of accessing news in Canada and Australia, it discusses favorite takeaway foods in Canadian restaurants and the number of Indian restaurants over time. This results in a complete lack of task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the essay addresses the correct task prompt, focusing on comparing ways of accessing news in Canada and Australia as shown in the provided pie charts.
  • Summarize the main features of the pie charts, such as the proportions of TV, radio, print, online, and unspecified news access methods in both countries.
  • Make relevant comparisons between the two countries based on the data provided in the pie charts.
GRADED
3.0
Coherence and Cohesion:3.0
Lexical Resource:3.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:2.0
Band Score:3.0
Coherence and Cohesion3
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present3
Supported main points3
Accurate linking words3
Variety in linking words3
Lexical Resource3
Varied vocabulary3
Accurate spelling & word formation3
Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3
Task Achievement2
Complete response2
Clear & comprehensive ideas2
Relevant & specific examples2
Appropriate word count3
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