BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING REASONS AND TIMELINES FOR QUITTING SMOKING

Explore our IELTS Band 5.0 essay sample analyzing coffee and tea consumption habits across five Australian cities. Discover insights into cafe visitation rates and preferences for instant vs. fresh coffee. Ideal for IELTS aspirants seeking writing inspiration.

Writing Task

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 3.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart illustrates the coffee and tea consumption habits of people in five Australian cities over the past four weeks. Looking at the proportion of people who visited cafes, Melbourne and Hobart had the highest percentage at 64% and 63%, respectively. Sydney had a similar rate at just over 60%, followed by Brisbane at over 55%, and finally Adelaide at under 50%. Adelaide was the only city where people bought more instant coffee, with a slight margin of 50%. In Hobart, instant coffee purchases stood at 54%, followed by Brisbane at 52%, Melbourne at 48%, and lastly Sydney at just over 45%. The purchase of fresh coffee was below 45% for all cities, with Sydney having the highest percentage at 44%, followed by Melbourne at 42%. Hobart was next at 39%, while Adelaide and Brisbane were much lower at around 34%. Overall, the data shows that going to cafes for coffee or tea was the most popular option in all cities except Adelaide, whereas purchasing instant coffee was more popular than buying fresh coffee.
Words: 175Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 11:39 AM

Coherence And Cohesion3.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to a mismatch between the task prompt and the content provided. The essay discusses coffee and tea consumption habits in Australian cities instead of focusing on the reasons for giving up smoking and the intended timeline for quitting as shown in the tables. The paragraphs are logically organized, but they do not align with the task requirements, leading to a lack of cohesion between the task and the response. Transition words are used effectively within the context of the essay's content, but the content itself is not relevant to the task.

Recommendations:

  • Use appropriate linking words to connect the ideas related to the reasons and timelines for quitting smoking.
  • Ensure the content of the essay matches the task prompt. Focus on the data provided in the tables regarding reasons for quitting smoking and the timeline for quitting.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs that reflect the main features and comparisons relevant to the task prompt.

Lexical Resource3.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with appropriate use of terms like 'illustrates,' 'proportion,' 'percentage,' and 'purchases.' However, there is a mismatch between the task prompt and the essay content, which affects the relevance of the lexical resource. The essay uses some variety in vocabulary but lacks specific terms related to the actual task about smoking cessation. Additionally, there is some repetition in phrases such as 'followed by' and 'at.'

Recommendations:

  • Expand the range of vocabulary by including synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition.
  • Incorporate more complex lexical items and phrases to enhance the sophistication of the language.
  • Ensure vocabulary is relevant to the task prompt. Use terms related to smoking cessation, such as 'quit,' 'cessation,' 'intentions,' and 'motivations.'

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures with a variety of sentence forms, including complex and compound sentences. However, there are occasional errors in sentence construction and agreement that slightly affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Review the use of articles and prepositions for accuracy and consistency.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is consistently correct, especially in complex sentences.
  • Vary sentence structures further by incorporating more complex sentences to enhance grammatical range.

Task Achievement2.0

The essay does not address the given task prompt. Instead of summarizing the information about reasons for giving up smoking and intentions to quit, it discusses coffee and tea consumption in Australian cities. This results in a complete mismatch with the task, failing to fulfill the requirement of summarizing and comparing the data from the tables provided.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that your essay addresses the specific task prompt. Focus on the reasons for giving up smoking and the intentions to quit as shown in the tables.
  • Summarize the main features of the tables, such as the most common reasons for quitting and the differences in intentions based on the number of cigarettes smoked.
  • Make relevant comparisons between different categories, such as the differences in reasons for quitting among those who smoke different amounts.
GRADED
3.0
Coherence and Cohesion:3.0
Lexical Resource:3.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:2.0
Band Score:3.0
Coherence and Cohesion3
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present3
Supported main points3
Accurate linking words3
Variety in linking words3
Lexical Resource3
Varied vocabulary3
Accurate spelling & word formation3
Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3
Task Achievement2
Complete response2
Clear & comprehensive ideas2
Relevant & specific examples2
Appropriate word count3
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