BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND SUMMARY OF UK EMPLOYMENT STATISTICS FROM 1998 TO 2012

Explore our in-depth IELTS essay sample analyzing employment trends in the UK between 1988 and 2012. Our Band 5.0 score essay provides insights into gender roles in full time and part time employment, exposing the shift in percentages of men and women in the workforce over this period.

Writing Task

The charts give information about employment in the UK in 1998 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 3.0 Scoring and Feedback

We want to speak about employment in the uk as you know in the past most of the company hire the men couse of the people who live in the past have a widly held myth that men should be work out of home and the women should ve stay at home and grow up tgeir children aslo above chart abvious my speak.as you can see in 1988 in full part time 53 persent that could be work in community consisted by men and only 19 percent women could be work full time but this issu about part time is completly diffrent wa see that 22 persent of weman worked part time and just 6 percent men worked part time. Know i want to survey this issu in 2012 In full time filed: 47percent men hired and 26 percent framed of women. In part time filed: 20 percent women worked part time and qbout men its about 7 percent. If we want to quickly compar this tow years employment the men in 1988 was higher percentage allocated but in 2012 this percent was less in contrary this percent for women in 2012 is more than in 1988 but you know this percent in part of filed there isnt much difference between them.
Words: 212Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 07:36 PM

Coherence And Cohesion3.0

The essay attempts to describe changes in employment in the UK between 1988 and 2012, focusing on gender and employment type. However, it lacks clear structure and logical progression, making it difficult to follow the comparisons and main points.

Recommendations:

  • Conclude with a summary of the main trends and changes observed.
  • Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'in contrast,' 'however,' 'similarly') to clearly show comparisons and contrasts.
  • Avoid informal language and ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Begin with a clear introduction outlining the purpose of the essay and what the charts represent.
  • Organize information logically by discussing each year separately before making comparisons.

Lexical Resource3.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent repetition and some incorrect word choices. There are several spelling errors and informal language, which affects clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Correct spelling errors such as 'couse' (cause), 'widly' (widely), 'abvious' (obvious), 'persent' (percent), 'issu' (issue), 'completly' (completely), 'diffrent' (different), 'weman' (women), 'wa' (we), 'qbout' (about), 'compar' (compare), 'tow' (two), 'framed' (employed).
  • Avoid informal language such as 'we want to speak about' and use formal academic language.
  • Use linking words and phrases to enhance coherence, such as 'whereas,' 'in contrast,' and 'on the other hand.'
  • Expand vocabulary to include more varied and precise terms related to employment and data description.

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures but lacks accuracy and complexity. There are frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, punctuation, and spelling, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences.
  • Correct spelling errors, such as 'couse' to 'because' and 'persent' to 'percent'.
  • Use appropriate linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
  • Use complete sentences with appropriate punctuation to improve clarity.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms are used consistently.

Task Achievement3.0

The essay attempts to address the task by discussing employment trends in the UK for the years 1988 and 2012. However, it lacks clarity and structure, and the information presented is not fully accurate or comprehensive. The essay includes some percentages but does not effectively summarize the main features or make clear comparisons between the two years. The introduction is not clear, and there is a lack of coherence in presenting the data.

Recommendations:

  • Organize the essay logically, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
  • Avoid unnecessary generalizations and focus on the specific data provided.
  • Clearly summarize the main features of the data, focusing on significant trends or changes between 1988 and 2012.
  • Ensure accuracy in reporting figures and percentages from the charts.
GRADED
3.0
Coherence and Cohesion:3.0
Lexical Resource:3.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:3.0
Band Score:3.0
Coherence and Cohesion3
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present3
Supported main points3
Accurate linking words3
Variety in linking words3
Lexical Resource3
Varied vocabulary3
Accurate spelling & word formation3
Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3
Task Achievement3
Complete response3
Clear & comprehensive ideas3
Relevant & specific examples3
Appropriate word count3
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