BAND 4.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING 2015 AND 2040 ENERGY CAPACITY PROPORTIONS

Explore our comprehensive IELTS essay sample, analyzing visitor satisfaction levels at Ashdown Museum pre and post-refurbishment. Discover how museum renovations positively impacted visitor numbers and overall satisfaction, providing valuable insights for your IELTS writing task.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 3.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts indicate the proportion of different satisfcation’s levels of visitors from Ashdown museum the year before and after refurbishment also the table shows the count of visitors during the mentioned time. From an overall perspective, it is apparent that the number of visitors increased about 2000 after refurbishment, and the countribution of people who were very satisfied and satisfied reached to 75% from 45%. The year before refurbishement, the total visitors of museum were 74000 that axactly half of them were not satisfied from museum, it means around 40% and 10% were disstisfied and very dissatisfied repectively. On the other hand, about 45% of visitors were in very satiesfied and satisfied category and 5% of visitores did not respond to the survey. One year after refurbishment, the contribution of very satisfied and satisfied visitors increased by 20% and 10% respectively. Moreover, the proportion of visitors who were very dissatisfied and dissatisfied
Words: 153Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 03:45 PM

Coherence And Cohesion3.0

The essay struggles with coherence and cohesion, as it does not follow a clear structure and lacks logical progression of ideas. The introduction does not match the task prompt, leading to confusion. There are abrupt transitions, such as "On the other hand," without a clear preceding contrast. Additionally, the essay ends abruptly without a conclusion.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
  • Ensure the essay addresses the correct task prompt and maintains a clear, logical structure.
  • Provide a clear conclusion to summarize the main points and findings.

Lexical Resource3.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and repetition. Words like 'satisfaction' and 'contribution' are misspelled, and there are instances of inappropriate word choices such as 'countribution' instead of 'contribution.' The essay lacks variety in vocabulary, which limits its effectiveness in conveying precise meanings.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe data, such as 'percentage,' 'portion,' and 'segment.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences.
  • Ensure word choice is appropriate to the context, such as using 'increase in numbers' instead of 'countribution.'
  • Correct spelling errors such as 'satisfaction,' 'contribution,' 'refurbishment,' and 'dissatisfied.'

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure.

Recommendations:

  • Use varied sentence structures to enhance readability and coherence.
  • Correct punctuation errors, especially with commas and apostrophes (e.g., 'visitors from Ashdown museum' should be 'visitors from Ashdown Museum').
  • Use consistent tense throughout the essay.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the total visitors of museum were' should be 'the total number of visitors to the museum was').
  • Improve spelling accuracy (e.g., 'satisfcation’s' should be 'satisfaction's', 'axactly' should be 'exactly').

Task Achievement2.0

The essay does not address the task prompt accurately. It discusses a different topic (visitor satisfaction at a museum) rather than the energy capacity data shown in the pie charts for 2015 and 2040. The required comparisons and summaries of the energy data are missing.

Recommendations:

  • Focus on the correct task prompt, which involves summarizing and comparing the energy capacity data from the pie charts provided.
  • Identify and report the main features of the energy data, such as the dominance of fossil fuels in 2015 and the predicted increase in renewable energy by 2040.
  • Include relevant comparisons between the two years, highlighting significant changes in energy sources.
GRADED
3.0
Coherence and Cohesion:3.0
Lexical Resource:3.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:2.0
Band Score:3.0
Coherence and Cohesion3
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present3
Supported main points3
Accurate linking words3
Variety in linking words3
Lexical Resource3
Varied vocabulary3
Accurate spelling & word formation3
Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3
Task Achievement2
Complete response2
Clear & comprehensive ideas2
Relevant & specific examples2
Appropriate word count2
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