BAND 4.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF ROAD TRANSPORT IN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES

Explore a Band 4.5 Score IELTS essay sample comparing the trend of new English and French teachers in Ontario, Canada from 2001 to 2007. Discover the significant trends and changes that highlight the increasing demand for French language teachers over the years. Ideal for IELTS preparation and language comparison studies.

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 3.0 Scoring and Feedback

The line graph compares the percentage of new English and French teachers in Ontario, a province in Canada, for a seven-year period, from 2001 to 2007. Overall, French and English language teachers’ share experienced upward and downward trends respectively. At the same time, the difference had increased in the last years of this period. Looking at the chart, we can see that French language teachers’ figure was 70% in 2001, then there was a low of about 50% in 2002. After that year, the decline has been compensated by a three-year upward trend and continued until 2007 approximately. English language teachers’ figure showed its all-time high of around 72% in 2001 and then plummeted to 40% in year 2003. From that point on, it had a slight increase for two years but the descending trend plummeted the share to its all-time low of about 27%. By comparing these graphs, we understand however their figures were relatively close at the first year, they found difference drastically in the seventh year.
Words: 169Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 07:44 AM

Coherence And Cohesion3.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as it does not address the task prompt accurately. The information provided is about a different topic (teachers in Ontario) rather than road transport in European countries. The structure is not aligned with the task, and there are no logical connections between the ideas presented and the actual task requirements. The essay fails to summarize or compare the main features of the given bar charts on road transport.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the essay addresses the correct task prompt and data provided. Focus on summarizing and comparing the main features of the bar charts on road transport.
  • Organize the essay logically, with clear paragraphing that reflects the structure of the data presented in the charts.
  • Use appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow of information relevant to the task.

Lexical Resource3.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary but lacks precision and relevance to the task prompt. Some words and phrases are used inaccurately, and there are instances of repetition and overuse of certain terms.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences to maintain reader interest.
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons, such as 'increase,' 'decrease,' 'fluctuate,' and 'remain stable.'
  • Ensure vocabulary is relevant to the task prompt. Focus on road transport in European countries, not teachers in Ontario.

Grammatical Range3.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied verb tenses. However, there are some issues with consistency and accuracy that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures more by incorporating different types of complex sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences like 'French and English language teachers’ share experienced upward and downward trends respectively.' Consider 'shares experienced' or 'share experienced.'
  • Use consistent tense. For example, 'the decline has been compensated' should match the past tense narrative, such as 'was compensated.'

Task Achievement2.0

The essay does not accurately address the task prompt, which is to summarize information from bar charts about road transport in European countries. Instead, it discusses a line graph about English and French teachers in Ontario, Canada. This is a significant deviation from the task, resulting in a lack of task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the essay directly addresses the task prompt by summarizing the data presented in the bar charts about road transport in European countries.
  • Include specific details and comparisons from the provided bar charts, such as travel by car, public transport, and commuting times in various countries.
  • Focus on identifying and reporting the main features and trends related to the bar charts, making relevant comparisons between the countries.
GRADED
3.0
Coherence and Cohesion:3.0
Lexical Resource:3.0
Grammatical Range:3.0
Task Achievement:2.0
Band Score:3.0
Coherence and Cohesion3
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present3
Supported main points3
Accurate linking words3
Variety in linking words3
Lexical Resource3
Varied vocabulary3
Accurate spelling & word formation3
Grammatical Range3
Mix of complex & simple sentences3
Clear and correct grammar3
Task Achievement2
Complete response2
Clear & comprehensive ideas2
Relevant & specific examples2
Appropriate word count3
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