BAND 4.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: OVERVIEW AND ANALYSIS OF CANADIAN TAKEAWAY PREFERENCES & INDIAN RESTAURANTS (1960-2015)

Explore an IELTS essay sample with a band 4.5 score discussing the importance of tax payment. Delve into the connection between government services, tax contributions, and overall societal impact. Understand the role of taxes in national growth and personal success. Balanced viewpoint on the necessity of taxes.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 2.0 Scoring and Feedback

I disagree with this statement that we should keep all the money we earn. Surveys indicate that the majority of government's budget comes from the taxes that people pay. Now what will happen if people don't pay taxes? As it was mentioned a large part of government's budget uses in many field such as hospital services, municipal services and etc. And it is all relevant to our lives. Another thing is that equipment or tools which helped you earn money, have been provided by government, like the place you have been working in. So in other words we must at least pay back the amount of money that helped us be in this position. However, the things you obtain is the result of your hard work and it can be hart to give part of it to someone else. Overall, not paying taxes is not a good idea and we should schedule a program that government utilize the money to serve its own people on a profitable way.
Words: 168Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/26/2023, 02:24 PM

Coherence And Cohesion2.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as it does not address the task prompt regarding the charts on Canadian takeaways and Indian restaurants. Instead, it discusses an unrelated topic about taxes and government budgets. The structure is not aligned with the task, and there is no logical progression of ideas related to the provided data.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the response directly addresses the task prompt, focusing on the charts provided.
  • Organize the essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion related to the data.
  • Use appropriate linking words to connect ideas and data points logically.
  • Summarize the main features of the charts and make relevant comparisons, as required by the task.

Lexical Resource2.0

The essay does not address the task prompt and lacks the necessary lexical resource to describe the charts accurately. It uses vocabulary unrelated to the task, focusing instead on an unrelated topic about taxes and government budgets.

Recommendations:

  • Use task-specific vocabulary related to charts and graphs, such as 'percentage,' 'increase,' 'trend,' and 'comparison.'
  • Include relevant terms related to the types of cuisine and the number of restaurants, such as 'Chinese,' 'Indian,' 'growth,' and 'decline.'
  • Avoid unrelated vocabulary and ensure that all terms used are relevant to the data presented in the charts.

Grammatical Range2.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some complexity. There are attempts to use complex sentences, but errors in sentence structure and verb usage are present.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence structure by ensuring subject-verb agreement and complete sentence formation.
  • Use a wider range of complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences and relative clauses.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate punctuation.
  • Correct errors in verb tense and usage to ensure clarity and accuracy.

Task Achievement1.0

The essay does not address the task prompt, which asks for a summary and comparison of two charts about favorite takeaways and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada. Instead, the essay discusses a different topic about taxation and government budgets.

Recommendations:

  • Focus on describing the charts provided in the task prompt. Summarize the main features of both the pie chart and the bar chart.
  • Make relevant comparisons between the data presented in the charts, such as the popularity of different takeaways and the trend in the number of Indian restaurants over time.
  • Ensure that the essay remains relevant to the task by avoiding unrelated topics such as taxation or government budgets.
GRADED
2.0
Coherence and Cohesion:2.0
Lexical Resource:2.0
Grammatical Range:2.0
Task Achievement:1.0
Band Score:2.0
Coherence and Cohesion2
Logical structure2
Introduction & conclusion present2
Supported main points2
Accurate linking words2
Variety in linking words2
Lexical Resource2
Varied vocabulary2
Accurate spelling & word formation2
Grammatical Range2
Mix of complex & simple sentences2
Clear and correct grammar2
Task Achievement1
Complete response1
Clear & comprehensive ideas1
Relevant & specific examples1
Appropriate word count1
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